Spyker & the Concours d’Elegance

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There’s something about the Dutch, and I don’t mean all the green grass or the red parts of the town. Nor the tulips, nor the wooden shoes. I’m talking about the cars they make. They’re obnoxious. They make you want to do bad things. Not the kind of things you would do in a Ferrari, though, like cornering at 100mph, but really, really bad things. Like honking the hornas an old lady crosses the street in front of you. Or revving the engine just for the fun of it while waiting at a street light. Or calling a Police Officer a donkey.

Maybe it’s all that metal on the dash or that orange leather trim you can buy your car in. I don’t know and I don’t care, all I know is that there comes a time when you want to honk at old ladies and when that happens, this is the car to be in.

Stragely, considering the above, the Spyker Aileron concept is currently exhibited at the Concours d’Elegance in Pebble Beach, California. Nobody said you can’t be elegant and obnoxios at the same time, though, so it’s not such a big surprise, really. And the soon-to-be-launched-in-late-2008 Aileron is not alone. There are other Spyker cars there, like the Spyder or the Laviolette (I think I’ll name my daughter that). So if you’ll find yourself in California between 13 and 17 August, after you stalk Brad Pitt’s house for a day or two, drop by Pebble Beach to have a look at the Spyker Aileron too.

The WHY factor

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If you’re the kind of guy who first says ‘No’ and then thinks about the question he was asked, then you might ask yourself ‘why would I want something that’s not a motorcycle, nor a car?’ when looking at what Can-am has to offer. But the answer is really a very simple one: because it makes the most out of the two. And that’s what Can-am calls ‘the Y factor’. Well, that and the shape of the vehicle when looked at from above.

Car stability and somewhat safety combined with the thrills of riding a motorcycle, all with just your car driving licence. And some money, of course. Does it get better than this? Yes, but it requires that you die and that you’ve been a really good boy. And, anyway, no matter how good it is, it doesn’t have the Y factor…

What Will Schoey Do Next?

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The question isn’t `what will Schoey do next` but `what would you be willing to do for the huge amounts of money he’s being paid with?` And the answer to that, my friend, is almost anything that doesn’t involve large quantities of pig feces. Still, let’s not spoil the game and think about a few other things Schoey might do.

He might be paid to prevent a hijacked jet from taking off by driving around its wheels and tying them together just like Luke did in the first moments of The Empire Strikes Back. But wait, these films are about his partnership with Shell…

Well, he could get Lewis Hamilton to sit with him inside the petrol station and each time a customer comes in they would start fighting each other. I wouldn’t like that, as I think Hami wouldn’t stand a chance, but that would make a really nice hidden camera video.

Or, they could set up a mini-class room besides the counters with Schoey as the teacher and Kimi Raikkonen and Felipe Massa as the students. Of course, Schoey would get mad at Kimi’s total lack of response and some very nice things would come out of his mouth that will make you very sorry you’ve never studied German. Or at least German curse words…

These are a few things I think Schoey should do next. Maybe he should also sit at a table with a free chair in front of him and invite people to drink some engine oil with him. Or maybe hire him as a doorman, considering there are still some Shell stations without automatic doors. Or have him mop the floor. Or have him handing out toilet paper in the station’s toilets.

No, that’s just mean.

Were you there?

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I’m sticking my neck out here, which I don’t like to do, but this must have been the best race in a long, long time. And not just because Hamilton won…

If your wife gave birth that day and you weren’t there, this short movie from Axis of Oversteer is the closest you can get. Pure brilliance.

The sound of Ferrari

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It’s not just cars you can show off with. You’ll never go wrong with a huge LCD display in your living room or a loud set of speakers. Or, if you’re the more discrete type and you’re not into the whole smash-a-window-bass thing, a very stylish one. Like the one Ferrari and Meridian have just put together. It comes in red, yellow, white, silver and black. I mean Ferrari red, Ferrari yellow, Ferrari silver, Ferrari white and Ferrari black. The sound, on the other hand, is 100% Meridian, and considering we’re not an engine-sound we’re talking about here, that’s a good thing.

We are running out of colors

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First the Volkswagen Scirocco, now the Ford Focus RS. What’s happening with all the car makers these days? Is this a sbliminal attempt to make us wary of their focus on greenery stuff? I don’t know and I don’t care, I just want cars in other colors than green. Good thing they dropped the ST orange, though.

California on the shores of Britain

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Hoping that someone might mistake their van for the new Ferrari GT, the guys at Volkswagen have named this campervan “California”. I’m not sure how many of these vehicles you can find in the far-west of the USA, if any, but what I can tell you is that the Sunday Times have chosen the Volkswagen California to be the car that will carry their man around the UK in search of the best beaches and holiday destinations.

This will be a six week summer feature that will start on the 6th of July. It will be based on recommendations from readers, so if you want to get in touch with Chris Haslam, the Sunday Times traveler writer, and send him to some God forsaken swamp just for the laughs of it, you can write to campervanman@sunday-times.co.uk

Smart ForThirteen

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I know what this sounds like, but it’s not a Smart bus we’re talking about here. Surprisingly enough, it’s actually a Smart ForTwo.

Celebrating 10 years of Smartiness, Smart owners and Smart sellers gathered to witness a bone-breaking contest: how many people can you cram inside a Smart ForTwo?

As the people calling themselves “smart car-tortionists” proved, the answer is thirteen. Taking advantage of their gymnastic feats, these guys won the contest after 13 of them somehow blended together to fit inside the car that measures 2,7 meters in length and 1,6 meters in width. Lucky for them, there was no Chinese team around…

007 is history. Cheer for 009

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I figure you’ve all heard about the Le Mans win of the Aston Martin DBR9 in the GT1 class. Hell, some of you might have even gotten drunk over it, considering the Euro 2008 is not an issue for us anymore. I know I did.

Well, the good news is that the car that finished first for the second time in a row at Le Mans is going to pop up at the Goodwood Festival of Speed. The 009 car will be driven up the famous hill route by one of the three pilots that took part in the 24 hour race, Antonio Garcia.

David King, a very important man at Aston Martin and one with a very long job description, said that he feels it’s only natural for a British car to make an appearance at a British festival in front of British fans. That man talks some sense.

Daddy, isn’t that Lightning McQueen?

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If this is a mischievous scheme to make the kids drag their parents to the British International Motor Show, I reckon it might actually work. We all know that a man can resist to anything bar Keira Knightley and a persistent child.

But this is madness, why would a kid want to go to BIMS? Well, because Disney and Pixar have set up a special area called the “Disney/Pixar world of cars”. So if you go to the show with your small one(s) and suddenly feel a strong pull from their side, chances are you’ll be heading in that direction…

But let’s face it, a full size rendition of Lightning McQueen, or Sally, or Meter or even Mack, the huge truck is not something you see every day, unless you have really dubious feeding habits.

There you have it, a reason to go to the BIMS even if you’re five.