Caterham by Dicky Johnson

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Yup, if you know anyone with that name, tell him to go to www.splitwheel.com and he could become part of the next Caterham model. Internet users from all over the world can get involved in the development of this next Caterham, from deciding between a regular engine or a hybrid setup, to choosing the size of the ashtray. Well, I know it’s a Caterham, but I also know how many people smoke…

Just think for a moment. You can be a complete idiot who knows his own name and your vote can count. That’s the beauty of democracy. So if you notice that the Caterham you’ve just bought has wheels that are not exactly what people would describe as round, or that the car only goes backwards, you’ll know who to blame. Ermm, no, actually you won’t.

Mad-ness

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Nail biting? Bone biting? You choose. I, myself, chose to simply stare in disbelief. That Vettel guy who I praised a few GPs back for his first win (start to finish, that is), got in front of Lewis barely inside the last lap and pushed him back to the 6th place. That is, one place further back than he should’ve been.

Not a problem, I said to myself. He’ll fight back hard and he’ll dispose of this Vettel, no doubt about it. But as the seconds passed and the distance to the finish shrunk, Lewis didn’t seem like he wanted to fight for that position, or like he was able to do it. Massa finished first, so it was either fifth for Hamilton or nothing at all. Well, if you can call the silvery second spot nothing at all.

At the moment, I must admit I had no idea what happened. Vettel crossed the line and Hamilotn followed shortly. The Ferrari team was jubilant. But hey, so was that chick from the Pussycat Dolls, who was sitting inside the McLaren paddock. “My God,” I said to myself, “isn’t she stupid. She’s clueless about what happened.” But, it turns out once again that I tend to judge beautiful women too hard and that she was right and I were wrong.

Yup, by some cruel twist of faith, both Hamilton and Vettel passed Glock during that last lap, so they finished fifth and fourth, respectively. But, my God, wasn’t Felipe Massa great?! I mean we led the race from start to finish, and when he realised it was all for nothing he took it like a man. Well yes, he cried, but in my opinion that - somehow - made him even more of a man. It was really touching the way the crowd cheered for him, and if you hate Massa then you’re a twat.

I don’t know who deserved to win it the most. I don’t care. Actually, when it’s this tight, it’s hard to tell. Thing is that it was by far the best season in a very (too) long time, and F1 has just won itself a new fan. And Massa too. If hamilton won’t win it next season, I sincerely hope it will be Massa.

The kitschy Lone Ranger

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I’m no art expert, but no ignorant either. Actually, considering where art is going, saying that you don’t know art has become pretty nonsensical. Well, so is Matthew Harrison’s work of art, engineering, or motoring - I haven’t decided which yet, and neither has he.

The idea is simple in principle, not so easy to put in practice, though, considering that you have to support a few tons of metal on four puny wooden wheels. The people seem to have liked the idea, as you can see from the pictures. There were lots of laughs and camera flashes going off in its vicinity, so you could call this a success. At least as far as GM interests go. But don’t be so quick to share a tear for Matthew either, I’m sure he got a nice cut.

In case you still had any doubts

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The KTM X-Bows have secured the first three places in the debut season of the Sports Light Category of the GT4 European Cup. Yes, one - two - three. And this is not extremely impressive because they’ve come ahead of debutants like Donkervoort or Lotus, nor because not even more experienced companies with more powerful cars like Aston Martin, Ford Mustang or BMW Z4M managed to beat them - it’s because the KTM X-Bows that competed had near-standard specifications, with minor revisions made only to meet FIA safety regulations.

I’m telling you, if this car also had a mirror in which the passenger could reflect herself (because it’s a “she” I’m talking about), it would be the perfect car. Or at least the perfect two seater.

Hami left frustrated again

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What has happened to F1? Where are all the boring laps and people shaking hands at the end of the race? Do they really want to win it this time? Every single one of them? Do they want to win it so bad that they’re turning every race into a Destruction Derby? It seems so. It’s Carmageddon time, as The Clash would sing it.

Well, you couldn’t see much from all the rumble and debris flying everywhere, but the main story is that Hamilton finished 12th while Massa got two points after Sebastien Bourdais was given a time penalty. Hamilton’s lead in the driver’s Championship Table has dropped to only five points. All these should make the following two races something to die for, and, given the latest developments, I might just mean that literally.

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This is the new SEAT Ibiza SC commercial you’ll be seeing when you go to the movies. There are a few things you should know before you watch it: first, the guys scrambling for the car are SEAT race drivers and second, the hand that whishes us a very rich and varied sex life in the end, belongs to a woman. She too is a pilot for SEAT in DTM. Now watch it!

COYS is enjoying the financial crysis

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Yes, it’s not just the Pope who’s jubilating at the thought of people loosing money, others are happy about the state of the global financial system. COYS, a London based auction house, is selling historic cars by the bucket.
From mid September, they have sold cars in a total estimate of 8.5 million dollars. That, I would call, good business, and so would Chris Routledge, the COYS Managing Director. Responsible for a good part of those 8.5 million USD is a 1955 Aston Martin DB3S, which sold for over 2 million pounds. In a selection of the other cars sold by COYS you can find a 1955 Mercedes-Benz 300SL Gullwing or a 1996 Ferrari F50 or a Lancia Aurelia B24 Spyder.
People seem more willing to invest in a classic car and put it to rest inside a garage than risk on the fluctuating stock market. And who can blame them.

6 ways to know you bought a nice car (or that you didn’t buy a lousy one)

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1 Stop next to an older, tunned-up BMW at a traffic light. If the guy with the baseball cap on inside the Beemer looks down on you, you’re fine. If he seems to admire your car, it means you could have made a better choice. If he wants you to race him, you have to let somebody else choose the next car for you.

2 Paint it white. Do you like it better this way? Not good. Oh, if your car was white to start with, again, you should let somebody else choose the next car for you.

3 Ask your mother whether she likes it. If she says “it’s cute”, find a nice girl and sell it to her. If she says she likes it, hand her the keys and forget about it. If she says “it’s too mean/big/aggressive/modern”, you’re fine.

4 Go through the tunnel and over to France. It they like your car there, it means you bought a French one and therefore, that you didn’t choose very wisely. Go a little further over to Deutschland and if you like the Autobahn than you might have struck gold.

5 Dress up like an idiot. If people look normally at you when you get off the car, it means your new look matches that of the car, and that’s not good. If you take down you pants and still don’t get a reaction, it’s really bad. If people raise an eyebrow or maybe even two, you might still have a chance. Go home quickly and change.

6 Step 6 is very much like step 5, only more digital. It requires you to take a picture of a really ugly guy standing next to your car and then post it on Hi5. If you get girls or homos calling, than it’s clearly your car’s fault and you need to change it. Or look for an even uglier guy and try again.

Water. You’re full of it.

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Big things are usually mean, like a tank or a Hummer, but this unique Volvo truck manages somehow to seem friendly and purposeful. That’s maybe because it has a very clear purpose, indeed. That is to blast water at very high pressure, capable of removing thermoplastic road markings or rubber residues off the tarmac. This makes it really useful on an airport and, at the same time, pretty environment friendly. I told you it couldn’t hurt a fly, unless that fly was stuck on the tarmac, of course.

Spyker & the Concours d’Elegance

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There’s something about the Dutch, and I don’t mean all the green grass or the red parts of the town. Nor the tulips, nor the wooden shoes. I’m talking about the cars they make. They’re obnoxious. They make you want to do bad things. Not the kind of things you would do in a Ferrari, though, like cornering at 100mph, but really, really bad things. Like honking the hornas an old lady crosses the street in front of you. Or revving the engine just for the fun of it while waiting at a street light. Or calling a Police Officer a donkey.

Maybe it’s all that metal on the dash or that orange leather trim you can buy your car in. I don’t know and I don’t care, all I know is that there comes a time when you want to honk at old ladies and when that happens, this is the car to be in.

Stragely, considering the above, the Spyker Aileron concept is currently exhibited at the Concours d’Elegance in Pebble Beach, California. Nobody said you can’t be elegant and obnoxios at the same time, though, so it’s not such a big surprise, really. And the soon-to-be-launched-in-late-2008 Aileron is not alone. There are other Spyker cars there, like the Spyder or the Laviolette (I think I’ll name my daughter that). So if you’ll find yourself in California between 13 and 17 August, after you stalk Brad Pitt’s house for a day or two, drop by Pebble Beach to have a look at the Spyker Aileron too.